Some things shouldn't wait

If your child has talked about not wanting to be here or about hurting themselves, call or text 9-8-8 (24/7). Kids and teens can also call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868. If you've noticed self-harm or worrying changes in eating, book with your family doctor promptly. In an emergency, call 9-1-1.

Maybe it's the stomachaches before school. The bedroom door that stays closed a little longer. The spark that's gone quiet. Something in you said: pay attention.

Worrying about your child doesn't mean something is wrong with them, and it doesn't mean you've done something wrong as a parent. It means you're paying attention. This guide is here to help you sort what you're seeing: what's usually part of growing up, what's worth a closer look, how to talk with your child about getting support, and what therapy actually looks like once it starts.

One reminder as you read. The lists below are patterns parents often notice, not a diagnostic checklist. If something here sounds like your child, it means a conversation is worth having. Nothing more, nothing less.

1 Ages 7 to 12: What's Normal, What's Worth Attention

Struggle wears different clothes at different ages. A nine-year-old won't say "I'm anxious." He'll say his stomach hurts at school drop-off. An eleven-year-old won't describe avoidance. She'll just stop asking to go to sleepovers.

Often part of growing up

→Occasional worry before a test, a recital, or a new situation
→Some bedtime stalling and big-day jitters
→Frustration when plans change
→Wanting to win, hating to lose
→An off week or two after a big change at home

Worth a closer look

→The same worry asked over and over, no matter how many times you reassure
→Frequent stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause, especially around school
→Meltdowns most times a routine shifts, or mornings that regularly end in tears or refusal
→Redoing work until the page tears, refusing to try anything they're not instantly good at
→Sleep, mood, or school still disrupted months after a change

The quiet signs are the easiest to miss at this age: pulling back from activities they used to love, less eye contact, and self-deprecating jokes that aren't really jokes.

2 Ages 13 to 17: Privacy or Isolation?

Teens are supposed to pull away a little. Privacy, independence, and pushing on the rules are the developmental work of these years, not a warning sign on their own. The question is whether what you're seeing is privacy, or isolation. A door that closes for an hour is different from a teen who has quietly left their own life.

Often part of growing up

→Wanting more privacy and time alone
→Moodiness that comes and goes
→Caring more about how they look
→Stress before exams and big games
→Pushing on rules and testing limits

Worth a closer look

→Withdrawing from friends, the team, or activities they used to love
→A low mood or harsh self-talk that doesn't lift for weeks
→The scroll becoming a measuring stick, dreading photos, meaning it when they say "I'm the ugly one"
→Panic-like moments: racing heart, tight chest, falling apart at 11pm over a test
→Constant reassurance-seeking, or grades collapsing into identity

Some signs mean don't wait and watch: any self-harm, eating that has changed in a way that worries you, or talk of not wanting to be here. Start with your family doctor, call or text 9-8-8, or go to emergency if you're frightened for their safety.

A Way to Think About It: Three Questions

Three questions cut through most of the worry, at any age.

How long has it lasted?

An off week after a hard event is normal. A pattern that has held for months is information.

How big does it feel for your child?

Some kids run hot, some run quiet. You're the expert on your child's baseline, and how far this sits from it.

How much of their life is it shrinking?

School, friendships, family, sleep, things they used to enjoy. The more areas a struggle touches, the more it has earned a conversation.

When a struggle is persistent, intense, and getting in the way, that's reason enough to reach out. You don't need to wait for a crisis.

3 How to Talk to Your Child About Starting Therapy

How therapy gets introduced shapes how a child arrives. A kid who feels ambushed or punished rarely benefits from the first few sessions. A kid who was invited gently, and given some say, walks in with the door already half open.

1. Pick a calm moment. Not mid-meltdown, and not in the car after the school called. A quiet evening, side by side, works better than face to face.
2. Keep the words simple and honest. "A therapist is someone whose whole job is helping kids with big feelings. You're not in trouble, and nothing is wrong with you."
3. Normalize it. Lots of kids and teens talk to someone. It's closer to having a coach than to being sent to the principal's office.
4. Give them a real say. Ask what they'd want a therapist to know about them. With teens, offer genuine agency: try one session, then we'll talk about whether it felt okay.
5. Keep the stakes low. The first step is a free call between you and the therapy team. Your child doesn't have to do anything, or decide anything, on day one.

If they say no: don't force it. Many families begin with parent-only sessions instead, and many kids warm up once therapy stops being a mystery.

4 What a First Session Actually Looks Like

Most parents ask some version of "what actually happens in there?" It's a fair question. Child therapy isn't a lecture, and it isn't an interrogation.

The first session is usually mostly with the parents. The therapist hears the story from your side, learns what's been tried, and talks through what you hope might shift. From there, your child is met at their pace. For a younger child that might mean sitting on the floor together with sandtray figures or drawing supplies. For a teen it often looks like two people in chairs, talking, with more silence than you'd expect.

Your child isn't put on the spot, and they don't have to disclose anything on day one. Sessions are 50 minutes, and trust is the first month of work, not the first hour.

How Parents Stay Involved

You are the most important adult in your child's life. The work happens with you, not around you.

Consent comes first

Written consent from a legal guardian is required before the first session. When custody is shared, both legal guardians consent before therapy begins.

Parent check-ins

Regular brief debriefs keep you in the loop on themes, home strategies, and progress.

Your child's space

Some of what your child shares stays between them and their therapist, so trust can grow. Teens hold a slightly wider privacy boundary, and the limits are explained to parents and kids alike, up front.

Safety is always shared

Any risk to your child's safety is told to you. Confidentiality protects the therapy relationship. It never protects secrecy about harm.

An honest scope

Registered psychotherapists don't diagnose and don't prescribe. If your child would be better served by a paediatrician, psychiatrist, or psychologist, we'll say so and help you find the right path.

Where to Go From Here

If the patterns above sound familiar, you don't have to figure out the next step alone. Our team offers children's and teen therapy in Burlington and virtually across Ontario, including dedicated support for child anxiety, behaviour, grief, family transitions, and self-esteem. Families who want faith woven into the work can explore our Christian children's therapy pages.

And if the weight of this season is landing on you too, that matters as much as anything in this guide. Our article on parenting and mental health is written for the parent carrying it.

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A Parent's Guide to Child & Teen Therapy