Grief Is Not Linear
If you have ever been told that grief follows a neat progression of stages, you may have felt confused when your experience did not match. One day you feel fine. The next, the loss hits you as if it happened yesterday.
The truth is, grief is not a straight line. It is not a checklist to complete. And understanding this can be the first step toward healing.
At Graceway Wellness, we help individuals in Burlington, Oakville, and across Ontario navigate the complex terrain of loss with compassion and evidence-based support.
The Five Stages of Grief
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying. These stages were originally developed to describe the experience of those facing terminal illness, but they have since been applied to all forms of loss.
Denial
Denial is often the first response to loss. It is not about refusing to accept facts. It is the mind’s way of pacing the absorption of painful reality.
You might think, “This cannot be happening,” or feel numb and disconnected. This is normal. Denial serves as a temporary buffer, giving you time to gradually process what has occurred.
Anger
As denial fades, anger often emerges. You might feel angry at the person who died, at doctors, at God, at yourself, or at the world in general.
Anger is a necessary part of healing. It means you are beginning to feel again. Underneath the anger is often pain, and expressing that anger can be an important step toward processing it.
Bargaining
Bargaining often involves dwelling on “what if” and “if only” statements. You may replay events in your mind, wondering what you could have done differently.
This stage is about trying to regain control in a situation where you felt powerless. It is a way of negotiating with the pain, even when logic tells you nothing can change what happened.
Depression
Depression in grief is not a mental illness. It is an appropriate response to significant loss. This stage may involve deep sadness, withdrawal, and difficulty imagining the future.
Rather than trying to fix or escape this feeling, sitting with it is often necessary. The emptiness reflects the significance of what was lost.
Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean being “okay” with the loss. It means acknowledging the reality of your new situation and learning to live with it.
In this stage, you may begin to reengage with life, not because the pain is gone, but because you have learned to carry it. You find ways to honour your loss while still moving forward.
Why the Stages Are Often Misunderstood
Kübler-Ross herself later clarified that the stages are not meant to be linear or universal. Not everyone experiences all stages, and they rarely occur in order. Some people cycle through stages multiple times. Others skip stages entirely.
The stages are better understood as common experiences in grief rather than a required sequence. They provide a framework for understanding, not a prescription for how to grieve.
What the stages do not capture
- Grief is unique to each person. Your relationship to the person or thing you lost, your support system, your history with loss, and your cultural background all shape your experience.
- Grief has no timeline. Telling someone they should be “over it” by a certain point only adds shame to pain.
- Grief can be triggered unexpectedly. A song, a smell, an anniversary, or a random Tuesday can bring it rushing back.
When Grief Becomes Complicated
Most people find their grief naturally softens over time, even if it never fully disappears. But for some, grief becomes stuck. This is sometimes called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.
Signs that grief may benefit from professional support include:
- Intense longing or preoccupation with the deceased that does not lessen
- Difficulty accepting the death, even after months or years
- Feeling that life has no meaning or purpose without the person
- Isolation from others and avoidance of reminders
- Inability to recall positive memories
- Persistent bitterness or anger
- Difficulty returning to daily activities
If this sounds familiar, you are not weak or broken. Complicated grief often responds well to grief therapy, where you can process your loss in a safe, supportive environment.
How Grief Therapy Can Help
Grief therapy provides a dedicated space to:
- Express your pain without judgment. Friends and family may grow tired of hearing about your loss, or may try to cheer you up. A therapist holds space for your grief without rushing you.
- Understand your unique grief process. Together, you can explore what the loss means to you and how it connects to your history and identity.
- Process unfinished business. If there were things left unsaid or unresolved, therapy can help you find closure.
- Develop coping strategies. Learn how to manage grief triggers, difficult anniversaries, and the everyday reminders of loss.
- Rebuild meaning. Gradually discover how to carry your loss while still engaging with life and finding purpose.
At Graceway Wellness, our therapists are trained in evidence-based approaches to grief, including specialized support when traumatic elements are present.
Grief Beyond Death
While death is the most recognized cause of grief, many other losses deserve acknowledgment:
- Divorce or relationship ending
- Job loss or career change
- Health diagnosis or disability
- Miscarriage or infertility
- Loss of a dream or life path
- Estrangement from family
- Moving away from home
These losses are sometimes called disenfranchised grief because society may not recognize them as “real” losses. But your grief is valid, regardless of whether others understand it.
Faith and Grief
For those with faith, grief can be particularly complex. You may find comfort in your beliefs, but you may also wrestle with difficult questions: Why did God allow this? Where is my loved one now? Is it wrong to grieve if I believe they are in a better place?
At Graceway Wellness, we offer faith-integrated grief counselling for those who want to explore their loss within a spiritual framework. Faith and therapy work together, never in opposition.
You Do Not Have to Grieve Alone
Grief can be isolating. The people around you may not know what to say, or they may have moved on while you are still struggling. It takes courage to seek support, but you do not have to carry this alone.
The team at Graceway Wellness offers a free 15-minute consultation to help you understand how grief therapy might support you. We serve Burlington, Oakville, Hamilton, and all of Ontario through virtual sessions.
Your grief matters. And so does your healing.